Posted in All The Bits In Between, Attachment parenting, Babies, Baby's, Birth, Body image, Family, Friends, Happiness, Health, Hospitals, Like a queen, Marriage, Mental Health, Mom life, Mum life, Nursing, Parenting, Parenting Styles, Peace, Pregnancy, Relationships, Sadness, Self love, Society, Spiritual, Uncategorized

Beautiful Maternal Mental Health β€οΈ

Hello Beautiful People,

This week on May the 3rd it was International Maternal Mental Health Day. Also around the globe May 1st-7th is recognised as Maternal Mental Health Awareness Week. This is a fairly new awareness program set up in the last few years to recognise and put in place much needed supports for women and their families.
Maternal Mental Health is a topic very close to my heart, for several reasons. So I value this week and the awareness and support it’s raising very much.
Maternal Mental Health (MMH) addresses women and their mental health throughout the perinatal period. That is the time from which they get pregnant, give birth and up until the baby is a year or so old. 

The reasons I feel so strongly about raising awareness and promoting support around perinatal mental health are motivated by personal experiences. 

I have been through the perinatal period quite a few times in my life and sometimes it’s not been smooth sailing.

I’ve witnessed close family members struggle alone and suffer tremendously throughout the perinatal period.

I’ve supported friends who’ve felt like they were drowning throughout their perinatal  period……

I’m currently still just in the perinatal period….

Am I ok? Maybe……

The few heartbreaking things that myself, my family member and my friends all said we experienced throughout our perinatal period that we didn’t expect were:

β€’ feelings of being overwhelmed with pregnancy; body changes; fear of baby not growing healthily; fear of no longer being attractive to partner; fear of birth; fear of birth complications; fear of not being heard by care providers; fear of not being able to breastfeed; fear of not bonding with baby; fear of not waking to baby; fear of not feeding baby enough; fear of not being able to settle baby; fear of not knowing why baby is crying; fear of baby crying because something serious is wrong; fear of something bad happening to baby; fear of body not going back to pre-baby state; fear of no time for partner; fear of no time for other children; fear of no time for self; feeling isolated; feeling overwhelmed; feeling exhausted; feeling unsupported; feeling unprepared; feeling pressure to be the perfect mum; feeling unhappy with self; feeling like a failure….. and sadly the list goes on…… All these fears experienced and shared by a group of wonderful, intelligent otherwise incredibly healthy women throughout their perinatal period… And all of them treated in completely different ways by their care providers.

Yes we all got asked the routine antenatal questions and only two out of five of us got flagged and followed up…. There are so many potential triggers for perinatal depression and anxiety coupled with massive hormone changes, it’s so hard to know who will be ok and who won’t. I was not one of the ones to be followed up despite knowing I met a lot of the criteria for high risk post natal depression….. I did however seek support on my own from my GP and Karitane a good six months after my last baby was born because after the adrenaline of running on no sleep at all for the first six months of my baby’s life wore off I realised how anxious I was and that I needed support. One friend was immediately commenced on antidepressants by her doctor because her anxiety was all time consuming and she was already exhibiting signs of depression. She said she felt like a new woman and immediately bonded with her baby and could finally function without her fears controlling her. I didn’t feel I needed medication and utilised other methods to help with my anxiety. My family member who also met the criteria for high risk for post natal depression due to a previous mental health history, history of domestic violence and being a single mother was not so lucky with her support network. She fell through the cracks so to speak and although she was already on low dose antidepressants she was alone, exhausted, completely drowning in her fears and level of responsibility as a new and single mother. She suffered from a severe postpartum psychosis and her baby was removed from her care, permanently…… But that is her story to tell completely…. All I can say to that is that as a witness to her experience and whilst going through the perinatal period myself at the same time as her, my heart completely and utterly broke for her….. And I questioned why her and not me and years and pregnancies later I still remain hyper vigilant around my mental health throughout the perinatal period.

And it’s because of all these beautiful women with all their varied experiences and yet similar feelings and thoughts around the time of their pregnancies, births and new babies, that I think this week, Maternal Mental Health Week is so important! It needs to be recognised as a topic that needs to be discussed openly so that assessments are done routinely and universally. So that support networks and programs are implemented properly and in a timely manner. So that women can avoid getting acutely unwell. So that families can feel supported and stay together! 

As for me…. despite writing a post over six months ago around R U OK day and saying I was not ok, I think it’s time to say…. I’m doing ok…. Slowly….

I’m still mildly suffering from anxiety and severe fatigue but I’m happy. 

I have a great support network and I know that’s what gets me through. Also my baby is one now and although I’ve only ever felt this anxious once before with all my perinatal periods I’m glad that I know it won’t last, like it didn’t before. I don’t let the small stuff consume me. The house can stay messy (despite my cleaning OCD). We can have take away a few times a week if Hubby and I are too exhausted to cook. All my children are healthy and loved. I practice mindfulness. I have a psychologist. I vent to my hubby and eldest daughter/bestie. I walk. I write. I read. I sing. All things I do for me to ensure relaxation and peace. And slowly but surely everyday gets the teeny tiniest bit easier…… 😌❀️ 

To all those beautiful women out there struggling alone in silence with your overwhelming thoughts, whether you’re a first time mum or a millionth time mummy like me, please, speak up, speak out, talk to absolutely anybody you feel comfortable talking to! Sometimes getting those thoughts out of your head is the first steps to feeling better! 

And know this! 

You are not alone!

I am right here with you!

You are a wonderful mummy!

You are amazing!

You’re doing great!

You’re a beautiful human!

And your baby loves and needs you ❀️
(If you need to talk to someone or are concerned about someone please contact one of the links below)

http://www.panda.org.au/practical-information/382-signs-and-symptoms-of-postnatal-depression
https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/what-is-mental-health?&gclid=COqamZXo1dMCFcYsvQodHL0GBQ

http://www.beatbabyblues.com.au/What_is_perinatal_mental_health.aspx



Posted in Babies, Birth, Body image, Family, Friends, Happiness, Health, Hospitals, Marriage, Mental Health, Mom life, Mum life, Parenting, Relationships, Sadness, Self love, Society, Spiritual, Uncategorized

Beautiful Sadness

Hello Beautiful People,

Today is R U OK day…..

I know I’ve written before about being a beautiful faker at life but I thought I’d bring it up again in light of it being R U OK day.

See the fact is, I’m actually not ok……

It seems it’s really really hard for people to understand that, because (apparently) I’m the strong one.

The one that can handle anything.

The one that’s always, laughing, smiling, loving and helping others.
Those that know the full dynamics of my family and history know how strong I can and have needed to be. 

Unfortunately, even the strong ones can come undone. Especially when life is being exceedingly stressful, so I’ve discovered recently.

In the last two years I’ve had a very traumatic emergency c-Section. Which took nearly six months to recover from physically. And I’m still trying to recover from it emotionally. The result of which is a beautiful yet highly rambunctious, energetic little being.

A very quick subsequent difficult pregnancy. The result of which is a beautiful baby girl with severe reflux and colic that never ever sleeps. 

At the end of my last pregnancy my eldest son was hospitalised and very sick for a couple of months. 

Then the next boy down required emergency surgery the following month.

And then the following month the next boy down got a late diagnosis of ASD, after years of me asking for an assessment for him.

And history repeatedly haunts me at stressful times…….

I’m exhausted, depleted, drowning, burnt out……Burning…….

I’ve doubled my weight…..

Doubled my wrinkles……

I don’t even recognise me when I look in the mirror…… 

It’s actually really depressing……..

And I’ve lost nearly all my friends…..

I’m not sure why this last one has happened but I’m assuming that it’s because I’m no longer fun to be around….

I’m still surrounded by people though (all my kids of course) and yet most of the time I feel a slight lingering sense of loneliness….

When anyone asks me if I’m ok I actually say “no, I’m drowning”…..

People then look at me confused, surprised even……

Most people reply with “oh you poor thing that’s what happens when you have so many kids”, “you’ll be ok when you get more sleep”, “what you need is….Childcare….. a night out….. a cleaner…. a good nights sleep…..” 

And the ‘helpful’ advice goes on and on…

I told my GP I was feeling overwhelmed and sad, so she gave me a script for antidepressants…….. I don’t take paracetamol at the best of times……

She told me “there’s no point in referring you to a councillor, I know you’re too time poor to go”…..

I’ve told my nearest and dearest family and friends and they say the same ‘helpful’ statements as above…….

So asking someone if they are okay, seems very multilayered to me. You need to really mean it. Actively listen to the persons answer. And then respond carefully, thoughtfully and appropriately.

I know I will be okay because I AM ‘the strong one’, infact I am one of the strongest people I know……

And I’ve been here before……. 

And right now I’m still in the midst of the fire……Burning a little more before the Phoenix is born…….

I cry at ads, movies, pretty much anything. I yell at nothing….. My hubby and eldest are concerned (but somewhat annoyed too, inconvenienced I guess by my lack of happiness). My younger ones are somewhat hyper vigilant but still mostly (age appropriately) self obsessed…….

So if I seem distant, disinterested, different…… Just be kind, please…..I don’t do sarcasm, criticism or ‘useful’ words well these days……

And yes I have guilt about feeling overwhelmed and sad…….

I know there are so so many people out there worse off than me………

And I’m still so grateful for this beautiful life….. And my beautiful babies…… But I’m still allowed to feel……….

And besides, any emotion I’m experiencing reminds me I’m alive…….

So I’ll sit here for a while longer in the warm heat of this beautiful sadness…..

So I’ll just continue to breath…..

So I’ll just continue to try to eat healthy…

So I’ll just continue to try to get fit……

So I’ll just continue to try to get more sleep…

So I’ll just continue to pretend to be happy …….

Because I believe if you fake it you make it…..

And if that’s all it takes to be me…….

I’ll just continue to keep doing what it takes just to be…….

Until I’m ready for the Phoenix to arise out of the sadness through to the other side πŸ’œπŸ’›

https://www.ruokday.com/how-to-ask

https://m.lifeline.org.au/


Posted in Babies, Baby's, Birth, Black lives matter, Death, Family, Friends, Health, Houses, Marriage, Parenting, Peace, Race, Racism, Relationships, Self love, Society, Spiritual, Uncategorized

Beautiful Black Lives β€οΈ

Hello Beautiful People,

I know it seems that I’m wading in on this important issue a bit late but there are several personal reasons for me not speaking up until this week. Reasons that I have worked through and that have enlightened me. So it seems now is the time that, sadly, I need to voice where I stand on a very difficult racial topic.

Yes I love my husband, his friends and colleagues and yes we are a part of the blue family. But we were white before we were blue and we loved blacks before we were blue and we still do. Some of those blacks still love us back too even though we are white and now we are also blue….

Because colour doesn’t and shouldn’t matter. But it does…. And we are part of  a blue family that can and does consist of beautiful people, men and women who are caring and have families. People who feel empathy and sadness towards others. People who feel sadness, anger, hurt and frustration at the current climate and unnecessary deaths…. A lot of these people are a part of this community, some of them, like us have grown up here. Some are, have family, friends or neighbours who are Aboriginal. Sadness is felt by all of the good  blue people, but today is not about them. 

Today is about some of the most heartbreaking and tragically unnecessary deaths of some beautiful black lives. Indigenous lives, here and all over the world……

This week marks the four year anniversary of the death of a family friends daughter. A childhood friend of my own daughter. A beautiful young Aboriginal girl still in her teens. One who never ever showed me her ‘bad’ side despite so called evidence and hearsay about her behaviour. I always only ever saw a sweet, shy, soft, vulnerable young girl. A teenage girl, who, like all teenagers, was going through a bit of a rough time and could easily be swayed by others behaviours. This time every year I grieve for her along side her devastatingly heartbroken family…..   And although it is alleged that she took her own life, most of us know the trauma she experienced leading up to that desperately sad decision……RIP Molly, no words will ever be able to describe how much you are loved and missed………

Sadly this week, we have also seen the death of another Aboriginal teenager. A young boy. Dead at the hands of an adult white male murderer. This barely made the news. When it was reported on the media focused on the boys alleged criminal behaviour and not the fact that he was murdered!!  My heart is breaking….. Literally breaking…… If I think about it too much I cry….. And yet I can’t stop thinking about it………

And I can’t stay quiet anymore…… Despite my fear of upsetting those I love and hold dear, I need to speak up! In fact I need to shout out!! I was confused about whether I should, could or had a right to take a stand. Until recently, when, of all places to have an epiphany. I felt my blood boil, my brain overload and my heart nearly explode……As I burst in to tears in the middle of the Macklemore concert whilst he was singing White Privilige II…. And right then I realised…

 ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!

With all the reading and research I’ve done, history has not been kind to our beautiful black brothers and sisters. In fact, historically, us whites, have been down right evil to those of colour.  Attempted genocide, slavery, segregation, oppression, kidnapping, rape, murder and constant racial profiling. 

And I’m ashamed and heartbroken to be a part of this privileged white middle class…. Class… Farce…. A bunch of people that are the main perpetrators of this evil ugly behaviour….Hiding behind the guise of…. but I’m not racist, yet we turn a blind eye…. Too scared to speak out… Fearful of the controversy and repercussions…… Yet in our silence we continue to watch beautiful black lives die……

🎼 We take all we want from black culture but will we show up for black lives?🎼 (Macklemore, White Privilege II)

I used to think saying #alllivesmatter was valid until I starting doing my research…..  

Reviewing journal articles and assignments from an elective University subject on Indigenous Studies that my husband and I took years ago so we could be more informed (because to this day not enough information is accurately covered in any high school curriculum about our nations beautiful black history. Indigenous history is barely mentioned in our schools despite our nations very long and brilliantly beautiful black history). Reading various media reports shared by my more informed peers. And mostly talking to my beautiful friends…… 

And one or two comments throughout these conversations really drove the message home…… Or more so punched me in the guts and left me with a terrifying sick sense of fear for my friends, fellow humans……Fear for them that to this day I can’t shake….. Comments like “I moved here (to Oz) because it’s more accepting, but I still fear for my brother, and think things like, please don’t let him get shot”…….. And it’s words like these that make me realise why I’ve been wrong….. Because I know these people personally, not just through a  t.v screen and they are beautiful…… And it’s terrifying……..And it’s black people dying…… For what?!….. Trivial things…… For nothing…… Murder for power….. Maybe out of frustration or fear…… But it’s still murder……Are we any better than the U.S?! Maybe, not by much…..

And now I know I was wrong……

Because saying that #alllivesmatter undermines the desperately important message that needs to be shouted out, understood and heard, for there to be justice and peace for these people. And an end once and for all to these senseless deaths………….. πŸ’”

#BlackLivesMatter

#BlackLivesMatter

#BlackLivesMatter

#BlackLivesMatter
🎼 Your silence is a luxury, hip-hop is not a luxury , Your silence is a luxury, hip-hop is not a luxury, What I got for me, it is for me, What we made, we made to set us free 🎼

 (Jamila Wood, ftd in White Privilige II) 

#BlackLivesMatter

#BlackLivesMatter

#BlackLivesMatter


#BlackLivesMatter

#Onelove

#Onerace

#Peace

#MacklemoreSydney2016

#MacklemorewhitepriviligeII

Posted in Attachment parenting, Babies, Baby's, Birth, Body image, Body shaming, Careers, Con Hall, Family, Friends, Fun, Health, Income, Like a queen, Marriage, Mom life, Mum life, Parenting, Parenting Styles, Pregnancy, Queens, Relationships, Self love, Society, Toddlers, Uncategorized

Beautiful Brilliant Marketing Con β€οΈ

Hello Beautiful People, 

At the risk of 800000 women hating me I really need to say…….. Am I the only woman alive who thinks Constance Hall may well be a complete fucking marketed fraud?!!! After following her for a while because a few people thought I write like her I couldn’t help but notice a theme/pattern in her posts. Drama post, happy post, drama post then happy post. And then of course how she blocks every single person that has a differing opinion to hers. So far the only good thing she’s done is raise a lot of money for a refuge in Africa. Otherwise she’s sold thousands of her book, which from what I can gather is about the same content as her blog………
Over swearing, excessive wine drinking, under parenting, shit marriage issues and severe over sharing (naked toilet photo, yuck!) Coupled with nasty name calling of her husband and kids………….

Now we all know I’m far from perfect, I love swearing but when it’s necessary or appropriate not just as a filler word….. 
I love drinking but not wine and only once a month if that! I’m pretty sure drinking (or condoning it) all the time makes you an alcoholic……….. And how can you parent properly when you’re nearly always drunk?……..
Why be married for if you’re always fighting and on the verge of splitting up?……. 
Again pretty sure children don’t need to be exposed to that?……….. 

And why be married to someone you insult all the time?……… If her blog/facey page isn’t staged for media and marketing then you can bet that her hubby and kids are going to turn around and hate her one day for all the nasty shit she says about them………….

I genuinely feel sorry for them……..

The vlog of her eating while they cried broke my heart……..Id rather starve then sit there eating ignoring my babies cry……… πŸ˜” (and everybody knows how much I love food 😍)

Seriously I can’t watch or read the dribble that she (and more than likely her whole marketing team, editor, publisher, administrators) write/post anymore! Its like watching a horrible soap opera. Where the main character is a shit mother, bordering on alcoholic, possibly unstable, passive aggressive wife who yet somehow manages to amass a following of nearly 1million ‘queens’ or sheep?…….. 
It’s been interesting because I have agreed with some of her posts like the one to the mum of the boy in the gorillas cage or the recent ‘black face’ one but mostly when she writes about her family I just find it completely embarrassing for them and cringe worthy…….
And I’m all for lifting people up, I love lots of people who are truly beautiful from the inside out but I’ll also call someone out if I think they are fake…… And with this one…… Hhhmm…..

Time will tell…… I could be wrong but thanks to a lot of life experience I’m usually not……….

I can’t imagine publicly shaming my loved ones like that…….. I don’t know why people have families if all they focus on is the hard parts……. 

But anyway if you look really closely at who she’s blocked or shared posts from she’s written some very very similar stuff to other bloggers just after they’ve written it……
All the posts that aren’t about her family that is……..

 All I can say is well played! For a high school drop out with no formal or tertiary qualifications you’ve certainly made a name and a lot of money for yourself Queenie……

Brilliant marketing……… πŸ˜³πŸ‘ŒπŸΌ

#likeaqueen

#likeadramaqueen

#likeamoneymakingmachine


#scammingqueensformoney

Posted in Birth, Careers, Family, Fun, Marriage, Pregnancy, Relationships, Self love, Society, Uncategorized

Beautiful Husband πŸ’™

Hello Beautiful People, 
I was in two minds about writing this post because even though this person is one of my most favourite beautiful people, he’s also really private so I’ll keep it clean for him (on here anyway 😜) 
With the all the hate in the world right now I’d like to share about my babies daddy πŸ’™
We met when we were teenagers, he used to sing and play guitar, I thought I was marrying a rock star 😬❀️ (He’s brilliant at both by the way!) Because of this his nickname used to be strummer. 
He won me over with his hilarious sense of humour and massively kind heart. In over two decades I’ve only seen him cry a few times. Once when we first met and I unloaded all my baggage on him…… And he told me with tears in his eyes that I’d never feel that pain again and that he’d look after me for the rest of my life…… And when our babies were born. We split up a few times in those early years, partly because of how young we were and probably mostly because of how much of a messed up b$&@h I can be…. 😳 
We’ve grown up together, through the good times and the bad. He’s always taken care of me and held my hand and nurtured me through pregnancies, births, studying, careers and especially when someone close unexpectedly passed away in my arms…… πŸ’”
He’s an amazingly kind, compassionate, fair, funny, strong, quiet, seriously cheeky and yet very humble human! πŸ’™
He’s put up with and loved me unconditionally despite all my stubbornness and flaws. I know right, it’s hard to believe I have flaws 😜 
I’m an incredibly strong, stubborn independent person and yet at my most weakest and vulnerable moments, he was always my strength, always there to hold me up, support me, physically and emotionally ☺️ 
I say physically, as in the time I had a post-partum haemorrhage in the birth centre and I was too delirious (and way to fat) for the midwife to get me on the stretcher to rush me to delivery suite or theatres so just as I blacked out and saw people rushing in the room he had picked me up and was carrying me to the bed….. I have so many memories of us like this…… His face is always the last I see staring lovingly, strong, supportively before anything daunting like an emergency C-section and the first thing I see waking up from an anaesthetic. 
He’s an amazing dad to ALL our children, loves doing the majority of the cooking and cleaning and even let’s me be the ‘fun’ parent, I know right, how good is that?! πŸ˜πŸ‘ŠπŸΌ
I’m definitely a bit of a demanding Queen but he is definitely the King of our castle 😊❀️
Some years ago the kiddies and I supported him through a career change. This is where he got the new nickname Sniper. It turns out unbeknownst to us that he’s a crack shot with a gun 😳πŸ’ͺ🏼
Our whole family hopes he NEVER has to use one!! (Although he has had to get it out on a few occasions) 😌
We feel so tremendously lucky to live in Australia, with all the hate that is going on in the world. And hope that our beautiful country, with its mixed bag of beautiful people can continue to strive always towards living harmoniously and in peace 😊
I’ll always be proud of him no matter what career he chooses because I know he has a good heart and his intentions are good. I know there’s a lot of haters but I doubt they could ever put up with or do what he does and remain so calm and cool 😎
My husband is my soul mate, my PIC, my right hand guy, the signal to my wi-fi, the lighthouse to my ship and of course my designated driver when I’m wasted as s$&t 😜
Sniper is most definitely one of my most favourite beautiful people 😍
🎢 Here is true peace, here my heart knows calm, safe in your soul, bathed in your sighs, gonna stay right here until the earth stops turning, gonna love you until the seas run dry….. I’ve found the one I’ve waited for….πŸŽΆβ€οΈπŸ’™ (Goreki, Lamb)