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Beautiful Mild Mannered Middle Son, Marley Kai โค๏ธ

Hello beautiful people,

Well it was bound to happen this week…. The eyes leaked a little ๐Ÿ˜Œ Valid reason of course! This day 13 Years ago I gave birth to my third child, my second son, my biggest baby, my second easiest birth resulting in my calmest, most relaxed easy going, always happy baby boy!
And yes our, now teenager and our littlest warrior princess’s birthday’s are only one day apart. Things like this happen in large families like ours. The beautiful part is I remember a year ago Marley saying to me “mum can’t you keep the baby in your stomach one more day because I’d love to share a birthday with my little sibling” He makes me laugh because he is such a kind hearted, gentle soul and yet really cheeky funny too. And he genuinely would have loved for his little sister to be born on his birthday! He would have thought it was the coolest gift ever! 

You see what people don’t realise about our Marley Kai is that for ten years he was our baby. He was always happy as a baby but as he got older he showed signs of being an empath early. He was always sensitive to the emotions of others around him, he seemed gentle, soft and vulnerable. And so as a family, and him being the baby, we all tended to do most things for him. And despite my best efforts for over ten years to get him some support, I was continually told there was nothing wrong with him and I should stop feeling concerned and comparing him to my older kids……. So thanks to all those specialists who told me to ignore my mothers instincts, I did stop pursuing assessments and support for my son. Satisfied that any ‘quirks’ I had concerns about were nothing to worry about. And besides, I knew nothing was ‘wrong’ with my son I just wanted to make sure he was getting the right support he needed to navigate his way through life and learning,  safely, comfortably and to the best of his ability. 

My concerns alleviated when he was ten were like a weight of my shoulders and so we decided we would continue to grow our family. Marley was overjoyed when he found out he was finally going to be a big brother and no longer be the baby. Having William was one of the best decisions we ever made!! From the day he was born despite the ten year age difference the obvious bond between Marley and William has been so heartwarming to watch. William is so highly energetic and quite clever and Marley is so very kind, loving and patient with him, even when he’s being incredibly annoying. Marley is also studious and bright and has taught his little brother so much. 

My baby boy has grown so much through the responsibilities of being a big brother and it’s been beautiful to watch!

The hard times came when he encountered some nasty comments from his peers in high school, such as taunts about being ‘weird’….. I guess I thought it was because he has a love of reading and online games and I was going to think nothing of it until we had to revisit the old chest nut that was the problem of his attention span…..

So exactly one month after his little sister Florence was born he had an assessment again at age 12 that confirmed ADD and High Functioning Autism (which back in the day when there was no Autism Spectrum, the diagnosis would have been Aspergers). 

I was shocked because I’d been told so many times before that I was looking for something that wasn’t there…. But none of this makes a difference to us, we still do what we’ve always done. No medication, regular OT, address sensory issues, extra time for tasks, appropriate use of technology, eye contact with good clear communication and of course my favourite lots and lots of love and hugs!!

Tonight I got teary because we were hesitant to have more babies despite wanting them. I worried about money, time and responsibilities towards Marley being my baby and needing me. Tonight I suddenly realised how absolutely perfect it has been for him to have his little brother and sister. Tonight I clearly saw the lovely brilliant minded, cheeky funny, quirky young man my beautiful son Marley Kai has grown into!

A kind, caring, intelligent soul, who is an amazing big brother, a cheeky little brother, a wonderfully loving son and a very much loved grandson! And if he’s seen as weird then that’s ok because in this family being weird means you’re cool ๐Ÿ˜Ž Because who wants to be the boring same as everyone else anyway! I bet you people called Bill Gates weird or different back in the day ๐Ÿ˜œ

So here’s to you my sweet mild mannered  brilliant beautiful minded son Marley Kai! You my son, you melt my heart, don’t overthink that or take it too literally, I mean you reduce my heart to tears of joy because I’m so blessed to have you in my life! Happy 13th Birthday my love! Me, dad and your brothers and sisters will always love you more than you ever say you love us and I know you know what I mean! Show the world how amazingly awesome we know you are! We love you more than all the universe and more than all the stars โค๏ธ

https://www.autismspectrum.org.au/

http://www.autismawareness.com.au/





Posted in All The Bits In Between, Attachment parenting, Babies, Baby's, Birth, Body image, Careers, Family, Friends, Fun, Happiness, Health, Mental Health, Mom life, Mum life, Nursing, Parenting, Parenting Styles, Pregnancy, Queens, Relationships, Sadness, Self love, Society, Spiritual, Toddlers

Beautiful Last Baby’s 1st Birthday ๐Ÿ’–

Hello beautiful people,

Once again it’s been a little while (too long perhaps) between posts. There are a few reasons behind this. I was very busy over the holiday season with my family, I was busy with school going back for my older children, that, came with some challenges, I was busy turning forty but mostly I was busy living each day in the moment! 
I had made a conscious decision that if I was going to get control over my sadness and anxiety that had snuck in and was holding on tightly to me from the moment I brought my beautiful last baby home from the hospital that I needed to focus on the present only. To live in each day and experience only that day for what it truly was instead of dwelling on the past and causing more depression or worrying about the future therefore increasing my anxiety.

I’m happy to report that this way of living has worked really well for me and in turn my family. I’ve felt so much more positive and in control of my thoughts, actions and life in general these last couple of months. In fact I’ve returned to the old me that completely and utterly loved the beautiful chaos that my life becomes when I’m a stay at home mum on maternity leave! I love how lucky and blessed I am and have been, to be able to have a whole year off work to stay at home and spend all my time nurturing, bonding, loving and mothering my last little miracle baby ๐Ÿ’– And even better still is that I’ve been able to keep my toddler who is now two and a half years old at home with us too. 

Sure at times it’s been really challenging, exhausting, overwhelming and isolating. However most of the time it’s been wonderful, full of many firsts and many lasts. First words, first giggles, first kisses, first steps but all these firsts will also be our last firsts because our little princess warrior turns one today! 

This is our last baby so it’s bitter sweet, I’ve reminded myself through all the tough times, the sleepless nights, the sleep deprivation, the anxiety, the marathon feeding sessions, the teething, fevers, separation anxiety that I will never be this needed again….. It’s so exciting and heartwarming that our baby girl is one but at the same time it’s the first time in a while that I’ve felt close to tears and thought slow down years I need more time. I need to hold my last baby a little longer. I’ll pick her up whenever she cries, feed her whenever she wants, co-sleep as long as she wants, give her all of my attention and unconditional love as often as I can and as long as she needs me to… And this I have offered to her older siblings too because time goes so fast and I chose to have all these beautiful little humans so I will love protect and guide them with all my heart for as long as they need me to. 

I am fortunate enough that I can stay at home and care for my children as much as I want for as long as I want, however I will return to work on reduced hours soon.

But for now to stay in my happy place that I’ve built for myself,  out of the ashes of the ocean that I was drowning in late last year, I will live right now in this moment of my beautiful last baby’s first birthday! I will rejoice in her existence, revel in her love and bask in her light filled company. I will forever feel grateful and blessed that this day last year I gave birth to my last beautiful baby, a girl, a little sister to her big sister and four older brothers!

Happy 1st Birthday to our little warrior princess Florence Rey ๐Ÿ’– You are loved more than words ever could convey โค๏ธ

Posted in Babies, Baby's, Birth, Family, Friends, Fun, Nursing, Parenting, Parenting Styles, Pregnancy, Relationships, Society, Toddlers, Uncategorized

Beautiful Chaotic Lunchdate ๐Ÿ’—

Hello Beautiful People,
It’s been a couple of very busy weeks the last two weeks. And luckily, mostly fun outings, great company and beautiful weather. I was lucky enough to go in The Sydney Color Run with a small team of the beautiful Wonder Women that I know, I’ve been to bbqs, playgroups and Oztag.  However today I was lucky enough to be invited to a lunch/play date with some beautiful women that I know, Doctors and Nurses from my work, who are also new mums. 

I decided to go at the last minute as I knew I would be the only one there with a toddler and a baby. I still haven’t placed master two in any form of Childcare, for a few reasons. One, I haven’t liked any that I’ve seen so far. Two, I didn’t want to put him in care the minute his baby sister was born because I didn’t want him to feel like he was being palmed off because of the new baby. Three, I figured if I was going to be at home with bubba he may as well stay at home with us as well. Four, have you seen the cost of Childcare?! And Five, I’m just not sure I’m ready to let anyone else look after him….. That is until today’s lunch date…
Myself, master two and baby princess enjoyed a relaxed 40 minute drive to a lovely restaurant with an indoor children’s play land to meet our friends. Once there master two was his usual seriously hyped up overdrive excitable self. In other words he ran away from me the minute we got there! My friends of course were amazing and accomodating and looked after bubba on the several occasions I had to suddenly run off after speedy toddler. I barely got to sit down and chat or enjoy these beautiful women’s company or even really meet their babies! I spent the majority of my time with two year old in the indoor play land. I even finished feeding bubba in the play land so I could continue supervising toddler. There were a few moments when I felt like a few other parents may have thrown a sympathetic glance my way as it truly felt like I had the most energetic chaotic toddler in the whole place. 
I remarked to my friends that it was hard juggling both bubba and toddler, especially trying to meet both their needs. To this one of my beautiful friends said ‘of course and especially catering to a toddlers developmental needs at the same time as looking after a baby’…… Then minutes later another beautiful Mumma I didn’t know said to me in the play land, ‘two year olds are a lot of work aren’t they, especially when you can tell they are getting bored by their destructive behaviour’ she was looking at her own son when she said this….. But it made me wonder…….
At the end of lunch, the lunch I barely got to eat, chat or even sit down at, one beautiful friend gave each of us mums a homemade bib, they’re so beautiful. And another beautiful mum paid for our lunch and we said our goodbyes. I felt so spoilt.

Both baby and toddler left the restaurant easily enough and were asleep within five minutes of being in the car. Whilst driving home I got a bit emotional thinking about how my boy is probably a little bored and ready for some stimulating Childcare and I probably really deserve to have a nice non chaotic Lunchdate occasionally! But mostly I’m just always in awe about how blessed I am in my life to have such beautiful children, despite the chaos, and to know such beautiful people as these women. Even new mums can give me sound advice to remind me about my choices in life. It’s so brilliant to be blessed with this beautiful chaotic life. So I shall continue my Childcare quest with a renewed sense of optimism. Thank you beautiful mummas for your genuine kindness ๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ’– 

Posted in Attachment parenting, Babies, Baby's, Birth, Careers, Family, Fun, Health, Hospitals, Nursing, Parenting, Parenting Styles, Pregnancy, Relationships, Self love, Society, Spiritual, Uncategorized

Beautiful Parenting โค๏ธ

Hello Beautiful People,
I’ve noticed over the last few years of parenting that it seems important for parents, mums in particular to identify or subscribe to a certain parenting style.
Examples: the helicopter parent, the fit parent, the free range parent, the attachment parent…..the I’m barely f$&@ing surviving parent….. And so on…….
There are that many books, blogs, vlogs and movies on how to raise kids, it’s no wonder parents get overwhelmed and confused about which is the right way…….. 
I know you’re all thinking this b$&@ here is going to tell us there is no right way, there is only your way and whatever you’re doing is ok if it works for you and you’re babies…….
Well you’re wrong…… I’ll tell you why because as a nurse, a Mumma bear, a kinship carer, an active community member with a husband who’s an emergency service worker, I’m going to tell you there is definitely a wrong way to raising children…… You know how I know because in all my roles throughout life, I’ve seen it! 
It’s actually incredibly sad and incredibly simple….. 
The most obvious wrong way to parent children is to blatantly ignore their needs…..
Babies are born completely dependent on you. They cry as their first and only form of communication. If you choose to actively ignore their crying you are essentially telling them that you are not interested in meeting their needs. Studies have shown that babies who are left to cry repeatedly have higher stress levels and can end up with trust and attachment issues…..
I’m not saying I never let my babies cry, obviously if I’m going to the toilet and they’re crying they’ll have to wait a minute or if it’s a tired grizzle that’s fine. 
I mean, say I’m sitting at the dinner table, dishevelled and the house is a pig sty and two of the babies are sitting at the table crying at me, I’m not going to behave like an asshat and continue feeding my fat face whilst ignoring them and worse yet let another family member film this behaviour because they think it’s funny…….
There is nothing funny at all about ignoring your babies cries whilst they try and get your attention….. It’s actually heartbreaking…..
Children from birth, to probably I dare say forever, NEED consistent unconditional love coupled with clear set boundaries and guidelines…. Sensible safe boundaries and guidelines, ones in which they can grow and explore yet know they are safe and have a solid foundation to fall back on when they are unsure.
I’ve been told I’m overprotective of my children or that I wrap them in cotton wool….
Ask our local children’s hospital, I’m pretty sure they’d tell you that statement isn’t true ๐Ÿ˜
I’ve also been praised a lot about how kind, polite, lovely and patient they are……๐Ÿ˜Š
What I know is that the children we’ve encountered through our careers and lives that display ‘undesirable’ behaviour are the saddest children. The ones who haven’t been given unconditional love, who haven’t been given safe boundaries….. The ones whose needs haven’t been met….. 
I said it before, I’ll say it again, it’s heartbreaking when adults who choose to have children then go and choose not to meet that child’s needs…… It’s a need….Not a want.. 
An overtired ‘unruly’ bubba needs your patience, needs your calm adult abilities to nurture and soothe the whirlwind of emotions that they are feeling, that they do not understand yet! And this goes for EVERY age, even (especially) teenagers need you as the adult to be calm, in control and nurturing as you guide them through a very challenging time in their lives……
I swear…. a lot…. I let my kids eat junk food (probably more than they should ๐Ÿ˜), I’m not pushy about success in sports or academia, I let them stay up late and have random days of school (teachers hate me, sorry! I’d probably homeschool if I had more patience โ˜บ๏ธ) 
However, I’m consistent with LOVE โค๏ธ 
I have always hugged them, told them I love them, told them I’m always here for them no matter what! I’ve always listened and tried to meet all their needs. I’ve always stuck to what I thought was age appropriate developmental care.
I believe in doing this, these beautiful humans have felt safe, secure, guided and loved enough to grow in to these awesome human beings ๐Ÿ˜Š
I’ve never subscribed to one particular parenting type but my deep motherly instincts have shown me that consistency, patience, availability and unconditional love are the keys to raising lovely mini humans โค๏ธ
If you didn’t want to commit to loving them unconditionally, through the good and the really tough times (yes I’ve been through them, often) then you probably shouldn’t have had them. ๐Ÿ˜•
Oh shock horror someone telling others how to raise their kids…..!!
Well I do it in the hope that maybe one person will read this and think “hey yeah maybe I should chill a bit of make more of an effort to help my bubba feel loved and supported”……
It’s amazing how much easier life is with kiddies when they feel loved, respected, nurtured and understood……
Believe me…. I’m raising six kiddies in this organised chaos and the only real challenge is the newborn sleep deprivation….. The rest is a bit of a breeze if the foundation of your parenting is unconditional love ๐Ÿ˜Šโค๏ธ
And that is my two cents on how to raise the next few generations of beautiful people ๐Ÿ˜Š
You can never love a child too much ๐Ÿ’—
Peace ๐Ÿ’–

New Study: Extravagant Affection in Infancy Leads to Healthier, Happier, More Relational & Moral Adults

Posted in Babies, Baby's, Birth, Body image, Family, Fun, Health, Hospitals, Nursing, Parenting, Pregnancy, Relationships, Self love, Spiritual, Uncategorized

Beautiful Faker ๐Ÿ’—

Hello Beautiful People, 
Ok what I wanted to say today has been plaguing me for a while…… I’m always getting compliments about how well behaved my kids are how cool calm and collected a mother I am….. It’s always nice to hear but………
I’d like to shout this out!!!! I’m a complete 

f$&@ing fraud!! I’m not calm!! I’m faking that shit!! Inside I’m a wound up bundle of nerves as much as the next Mumma bear!! I’m one more god damn sleepless night away from complete and utter PND….. I’m one more shitty nappy….. No return text or call for several hours from young adult or teen away from a complete breakdown!! 
I want to take a f$&@ing shit or shower in peace!! I want people to actually recognise that I might be struggling, feeling isolated or lonely!! I want to be invited to the god damn wedding, birthday party, brunch or coffee even if you know as much as I do I probably won’t make it because of babies….. It just feels nice to know that I’ve been thought about by other adult humans…………๐Ÿ˜Œ
I want to apologise profusely to all the Mumma bears out there who I’ve ever offended with my higher than though opinions on parenting!! I know I have a Nursing Degree and I’ve got a lot of kids so you’d think I’d be all over this shit!! And all the lecturing and advice I’ve given so many parents on parenting should really mean something and be useful somehow….. Right?! At least that’s what you’d think?! 
But let me tell you this!! There is no one style, one method, one technique to parenting that fits every parent and every baby!! Every single time I get preggers I think, “yep I’m all over this shit!” Then out pops this tiny beautiful mini being who it seems, sole purpose in life is to ruin me and at the same time make me helplessly completely and utterly in love ๐Ÿ˜ณ
I was wrong for ever thinking my way was better than yours!! I was wrong for not recognising or understanding your anxiety!! 
This whole parenting thing can be terrifying, each and every time!! Every baby is different and therefore every parenting experience can bring with it new challenges……. I’m sorry I was such a judgey bitch…… 

We are all struggling in some way…………๐Ÿ˜ž
So today I’m openly admitting that this Mumma bear definitely doesn’t know everything! And despite giving loads of other women breastfeeding advice, sleep and settling advice, developmental age appropriate care advice and acting like it’s all so easy it’s actually really really really not!!
This is baby no.6 in my house and in her short three months on this planet I’m here to admit that she’s played me good! I’m exhausted, I’m admitting defeat! In the last three and a half months I’ve taken her to ED once, seen the GP at least three times, phoned Karitane twice, Tresillian twice, The ABA once and texted and called several (nurse/doctor) friends for sleeping/settling, feeding, behaviour and ailments advice………… 
Hhhhmmmm does that sound like a cool calm collected mummy to you?! And I’ll have you know I’ve probably behaved like this with at least three out of the six kiddies!
The post natal period and beyond in to baby’s first year of life coupled with sleep deprivation can be a real bitch! Some days not only do I feel like I’ve lost my entire identity but that moment after I’ve just stuck my hand in to a toilet that still has a poo in it to grab out a toy car that my two year old is screaming his head off for, I suddenly remember that I am still human and probably should think a little more before I act. So I put screaming baby down in cot, flush toilet, thoroughly wash my hands and toy car then placate two year old. Remember to put my breast away post breastfeeding this time before calling teenagers out of their rooms to ask them what they want for dinner, saves us all the embarrassment of me standing there tit hanging out…. All the while thinking “stay calm, you’ve got this, the tough times won’t last……. long”…….
So again I say, I’m sorry if I ever looked down on you! I’m sorry if my way of coping is to fake it till I make it and it makes everyone think I’ve really got my shit together better than they have! I’m straight up on mother f$&@ing struggle street right there with you!!
But you know what I do know that always keeps me going…… How freaking blessed I truly am…… Because I’ve been on the other side too…… The side that doesn’t give sleep and settling advice, the side that holds hands of those with broken hearts…… The side that gives silent reassuring glances whilst holding back tears of empathy, advice on second chances, pamphlets on counselling and support networks….. Watching broken hearted parents walking out the hospital doors…..Knowing they may consider themselves parents no more….. Due to the loss of a baby they’ll never meet or the baby they got to hold for only a short while……๐Ÿ’”
I’m know I’m a fraud…. But if that’s what I need to be to get by then so be it…… It doesn’t mean I love my life or my mini beautiful people any less…….. 
Shout out to all the beautiful parents struggling right there along with me……..๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ‘Š๐Ÿผ
Today I chose to continue to fake it, to ignore the mess, the misery, the chaos and relax in the breezy sunny afternoon with my beautiful babes, focusing on the positives and feeling blessed and you know what? It actually worked….. I got this! You got this! We got this โ˜บ๏ธ๐Ÿ’—
https://www.tresillian.org.au/
http://www.karitane.com.au/