Posted in All The Bits In Between, Birth, Death, Family, Fun, Health, Nursing

Friendship

Growing up I attended a small local public school in Bondi, it had a great community feel and most of the children that went there lived in the area. Friendships were formed between nearly everyone at the school, being a small school it was easy to get to know and be mates with everyone. As we local kids got older most of us attended the same local high school, again a fairly small school. Friendships were still maintained and some new ones were formed. There never appeared to be any significant social dramas, no obvious issues with bullying and over all everyone seemed to get along quite well often hanging at the beach together in the afternoons and on the weekends…….

Or was this all just on the surface, a giant friendship facade or fairytale. Did I forget to mention the bitching behind each others backs about how so and so stole blah blahs boyfriend and how he said you said blah blah so now she’s going to get you……. Friendships, like any relationships, intimate, family or other, are hard to establish, achieve and maintain. I still in my adulthood find myself nursing the broken heart of another failed friendship. So why does this happen? Perhaps I have unrealistic expectations of how friendships should go?!

I see one woman’s facebook who is always going overseas and having weekends away with her girlfriends and they all look so happy and joyous. They look like they are having an amazing time with not a care in the world, like a bad word could never be said between them……Who are these lucky people that have known each other their entire lives and support each other unconditionally through breakups,marriages, births and deaths?!

I feel I have a few close friends (probably could count them on one hand) that I could count on to be there for me through those times and I mean really count on!! The type of friend that you can call on any time of the day or night and they would be there for you immediately. I believe I’m that type of friend, however sometimes I feel  like I’m the back up friend, the friend that only gets called if no-one else is available or because I’m the ‘fun’ one, or the one that will pretty much do anything with and for you…….

So how do I let my friendships develop like this and then dissipate, well I think I start out being the fun one that will do anything for you and then after awhile it becomes exhausting so I become burnt out which in turn leads to boring. Boring leads to no longer fun to hang with or be around.

Another natural progression Ive observed in friendships as one gets older is the tendency to get caught up in the busyness and chaos of everyday life and forgetting to touch base with friends until it seems like to much time has passed and then the friendship seems to have been lost.

Sometimes I see friendships lost or strained due to new relationships being formed. People who were once great friends loose touch when one of the people in the friendship begins a new relationship with someone and then all their time becomes tied up with their partner. So what is the etiquette here?, Do you let the person know that you miss spending time with them? Is it necessary as an adult to tell a mate that you miss hanging out with them the way you used to? Is it immature? How does one maintain a once perfectly good friendship with someone once they have begun a new relationship? Are adults even allowed to long for normal healthy friendships? Why does it feel so shit when you realise that your in a friendship were perhaps the person really doesn’t care as much about the friendship as you do?

So here’s another friendship dilemma, you’re in a relationship already and have some great single friends who you like to go out with, however every time you do go out with them, they end up spending half the night trying to talk to and seek out other single people and end up completely ignoring you in the process, even though you’re only there to see them. So is it an unreal expectation to want to hang out with a mate or some mates for the night without them ditching you to try and pick up someone?

I don’t know what the friendship guidelines are however I do know that I have one or two friends who although we don’t see each other for months its like we haven’t missed a beat when we do eventually catch up. Then there’s the friends that you also actually do care about who you say to “we should catch up” and they say “yeah for sure we should”. And you never do so you assume its because both your lives are so busy and just like in school you hear that their child had a party or a concert or something that you felt sure you would have been invited to but you weren’t, am I over thinking it or am I just not as good a friend as I thought?

Wow one would think that this whole drama with friendships would be something that we out grow? So I guess that to add further complication to the issue of am I a good friend or not is the idea that friendship does get second place to relationships as we get older. It seems most of my friends will gladly whinge about their partners when they are not around however instantly if they are there the choice between time with them and friends is simple. It makes sense though right, you chose your partner because they have (well hopefully) all the qualities you like in a person so why would you not want to spend all your spare time with them instead of friends?!

Whatever happened to the old analogies of “bros before hoes” or “chicks before dicks” as crass as these expressions are I interpret, and correct me if I’m wrong, that they mean to say don’t replace your mates with a new relationship. In this day and age is this a realistic expectation? Who would rather spend time with their friends than their partner? Is there no middle ground? Wouldn’t life be all the more fulfilling and rich with various people in our lives?

So where is the obvious middle ground, why cant you have your partner and your friends too? What happens if your partner doesn’t like your friends or vice versa? What happens if your partner or your friends force you too choose? Who would you choose, a friend of ten years or a partner of two?

You know what I say, never make someone choose because I suspect that if you do you may well be the one that looses. However if the partner or friend really think your worth it I guess in the end they will make time for you!! So at the end of the day people, young or old my take home message is this, friendship is hard and fickle. So if you have been privileged enough to be classified by someone as a good friend respect and appreciate it.

So saviour the true friendships you have, decide on the ones which are worth fighting for and let slide the ones that seem like too much work with little in return.

And to all those true friends of mine

The ones that have with stood the test of time

The ones that have seen me through thick and thin

Kerry, Kristy, Sue, Alison, Jessie, Maggie, Phill, Brennnos, Dave, PJ and Din

With you guys my feelings I’ve never had to hide

And yet you have remained by my side

All your support, advice and kindness

Has always made me feel like our friendships were timeless

Days may pass without a word spoken

And so this right here is a small token

Holding dear in my heart is this true notion

That despite time and distance our friendships will never be broken.

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Peace Love and Happiness :o)

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Posted in Death, Family, Health, Nursing, Spiritual, Uncategorized

Death: World Suicide Prevention Day

Death. When is a good time to talk about it. How does one bring it up. Will it ever be a topic not enveloped in secrecy, fear and sadness?

I guess for some cultures it may not be viewed like this. However in ours it is. What is even harder to discuss is, the untimely death. What is an untimely death, what constitutes untimely?

Who decides whether a newborn, an older adult or some one in their younger adult life that passes away suddenly should have their passing as labelled, untimely? When is there a predictable time or a set time for death………………………….

As painful as it is for me to discuss at times it still needs to be discussed…….. Yes there is a predictable time or even a set time for death. We see it set when were are about to switch off life support machines and we see it in the future looming ahead of a patient after they are given a terminal diagnosis…………………………

But perhaps the most emotionally painful kind of death that can be labelled as both untimely and with a predictable or set time for death is that of a suicide victim………….

If one is to think about it, if one can tolerate thinking about it, one can only draw the conclusion that if a person they have known who was generally known to be of sound mind committed suicide then surely they must have known that death was imminent. If they had such clarity then why did they still take their own lives?

People assume that the suicide victims must have felt so sad and helpless that they just no longer had any desire to live. Does sad and helpless constitute, depression or  a mental health issue that may or may not have been diagnosed or treated? This kind of death raises so many questions and leaves so much heartache and often unanswered questions for those left behind…….. I call those lost by taking their own lives suicide victims because in a way that is how I see them, victims of their own demise.

The first question always asked after one learns of someone committing suicide is, Why? The why, Ive seen so many times is often answered with, because they felt sad or hopeless, like nobody cared enough to help them. The next statements I often hear is “if only I had, noticed, tried harder, done something differently” And to this I say “I’m sure you did everything you could” “because if they really truly no longer wished to live, they would have found a way to end their life, no matter how hard you tried to make them stay”………………..

http://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/bhcv2/bhcarticles.nsf/pages/Suicide_family_and_friends

I work with some amazing people and we are confronted by death regularly and no one is ever really immune to the harsh reality that death can be painful, emotionally, and people get left behind to deal with the pain. At our busy emergency department we see people present with suicide attempts and attempts at self harming and with every presentation like this we provide them with a review by a medical officer as well as a psychiatric specialist. The medical doctor treats the physical component of their presentation, such as did they cut their wrists or overdose on some form of medication. The psychiatrist assesses their mental status and determines if they are of sound mind or not and here, right here, has got me thinking about why I am not a mental health nurse…………….

Who are we to determine that if a person wishes to die that they must clearly be mentally unwell and out of their right minds…….. I don’t like to see any one die, me more than most, I am hypersensitive, a compassionate soul, that feels more empathy than most should, I’m a sympathy crier, I will cry if you are crying, just as soon as I see the pain cross your face I will feel it in my heart, almost as if it was my pain……….. However, if your pain was because you no longer wanted to live and people had tried to “fix” you several times of your dislike for life then who are we to force you to live because the thought of death is far to painful for us but life is far to painful for them……………….

I have looked into the eyes of a soul that was so completely broken, several “failed” suicide attempts under his belt, no legs, chronic pain, a shell of a man and absolutely no will left to live. So what did we do, “fix” him, bandage his wounds, give him pain relief and medication to “fix” his mood so he would no longer prefer the thought of death to life…… Even though this thought had plagued him for so long that it was apparent that every chance he could get, he would attempt to end his own life.

And now just to turn the table of this discussion completely on its head I bring the issue of suicide far more closer to home than I would ever have liked to deal with………………

Its easy to justify trying to understand why someone would prefer death over life in a professional capacity, looking at their injuries, their quality of life and even their mental health. However the lines become blurred and emotions run high when its someone you know/ knew. All you want to do is cry………. And you become the person with the question “Why?” And your rational mind tries to talk you out of trying to over think it and self talk includes such quotes as “remember the good times”, “she would want you to keep on being happy and living life smiling” and despite your head telling you all these rational things your heart and soul are crying crying crying………………………

You may not have spent a lot of time with a person in your recent past. You may have been only on a chat passing in the street basis, and you had said “we should catch up” and it seemed flippant but you actually meant it. And then you hear the news. They are gone……… However you shared a past, memories, lots of good ones. You are no longer in their social circle. You are shattered none the less by their tragic and extremely untimely death……………

I held my daughter in my arms as tight and for as long as I could and we cried together for the loss of someone we both once knew and cared about a lot…………..Some many questions. So much pain. So much love pouring out for a beautiful soul that was lost way too soon!!

And the constant question of “why?”

The constant statements of “If only” And then there is the stages of grief, Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance.

http://grief.com/the-five-stages-of-grief/

We cried for the friend we once had, we cried for the friend we no longer had, we cried at the thought of her pain and sadness, we cried for her family and the pain they were (are) going through……………….And I believe we will cry until we need too……………….I guess acceptance hasn’t been reached yet……………How does one accept that one so young, so beautiful and outwardly so happy did not want to live…………………Sometimes the pain of this thought seems to much to bare and its easier to just switch off.

Every story has a take home message and everyone deserves someone to love them, listen to them and be there for them. So listen to the ones you love, truly listen, be there for them if they are sad and show them how much they are appreciated!!

People need to remember that everyone has at least one person in their lives that truly loves them, that really wants to be there for them, that no matter how bad things seem, with love, guidance and support things can get better.

Life can get better, no matter how bad it seems, it can only be uphill if you’re already at the bottom. Look up and ask for help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If your feeling sad, low, lost, lonely, anxious, scared, victimised, bullied, vulnerable, abused, hopeless or just plain over it, find that small glimmer of inner strength and SPEAK UP!! REACH OUT!! Have faith that one day soon you will feel ok!

TODAY IS SUICIDE PREVENTION DAY!  

http://suicidepreventionaust.org/

http://www.timeanddate.com/holidays/un/world-suicide-prevention-day

And although we may have already lost some to untimely deaths we take comfort in the thought of being watched over by such beautiful angles.

SO LETS SPREAD THE MESSAGE TO PROMOTE SUICIDE PREVENTION!!!!

No-one deserves to feel like they have no other option, death is NEVER the only option!!

If you were a terminally ill patient you wouldn’t resign yourself to living only to meet your death, you would choose to live life to the fullest!!

Live every moment as if it was your last!!

If your sad reach out to someone for support and if you suspect someone you know may be feeling sad reach out to them, a simple “are you sure you’re ok?” to start the conversation.

No-one deserves to feel blue all the time, so if you do, call someone who can talk to you and help you through!!

Reach out and support each other to help prevent another life lost to suicide!!

Go forward with Peace, Love and Happiness in your hearts xox 🙂

http://www.beyondblue.org.au/index.aspx?

                                 R.I.P PRINCESS MELISSA

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Posted in All The Bits In Between, Birth, Death, Family, Fun, Health, Music, Nursing, Spiritual, Uncategorized

Hello world!

Hello beautiful people so what we’ve got here is an awesome way to communicate some people you just cant reach, which is the way some want it, well then that’s how they’ll get it…….. Sound familiar, Cool Hand Luke Thumbnail

or Civil War, Guns n’ Roses Thumbnail , slightly altered paraphrasing of course.

Anyway this page has been a long time coming and a short time in the making, I don’t want to be unreachable, I want to speak out and be heard and more importantly I want people to know that I’m here to listen and not like the nosey listen lady Marge Simpson played.Thumbnail

Some people just want to “talk hard” (Pump Up The Volume) Thumbnail and create controversy and although I have no aversion to controversy and talking hard, Id much rather voice my opinion on a topic and hopefully spark or ignite a good healthy debate!! A debate that may be filled with useful information that will stimulate the nether regions of ones mind and challenge them to hear the views of others that may be opposing to their own and be open to this. To challenge people to THINK outside their comfort zones!! To forget what they think they know about themselves and those around them, to de-construct their preconceived ideas of others and rebuild new beliefs through being receptive to someone elses truth, to be able to be open to the empathy that is required to learn that what is a truth for someone else may not be the truth for you but it is still THEIR truth……..Thumbnail

Simplistically saying, hoping this page will provide new and useful information on a whole

(this whole not that Hole)   Thumbnail

range of topics that people will be able to learn from and hopefully participate in healthy discussion about. Topics ranging from birth to death and anything in between!! I will endeavour to post as frequently as I can on anything and everything I find interesting, feel passionate about or that just randomly grabs my attention and I feel is noteworthy. Obviously I will try to post frequently on a nursing topic as the name and profession dictate a lot of my life 🙂 So let’s get started and see how many people I can make happy or unintentionally piss off 🙂

Stay tuned for next post soon…..

Peace, Love and Happiness

NurseNoosha