Posted in All The Bits In Between, Birth, Death, Family, Health

National Police Remembrance Day and Sniper.


The kiddies love to hear this story as I’m sure a lot of kiddies do in other families, that is the story of how their parents met. As a teenage girl struggling in life with the social and academic pressures of high school I didn’t do as well in my last few years of school as I would have liked to. To obtain the marks that I needed in my final school results to get into university I went to Tafe and undertook another course to get the marks I needed. At Tafe I met a whole different social circle of friends than those that I had gone to school with. One day during our lunch break a few girls from my course and I were sitting outside in the common area and the girls were telling me about a party that I had been unable to go to recently. They were saying how the party was really cool and the guy whose birthday it was was a really nice guy. I expressed my disappointment at not being able to make it and then the conversation quickly turned to another topic.

If I recall correctly I believe we were then talking about one of the girls’ cats that had been sick and had passed away. At that moment a boy appeared standing in front (and almost above us, as we were sitting on the ground) and said “Is this a private conversation, or can anyone join?”……….. I looked up but could barely see because the sun was in my eyes and said “you can join if you like but it’s not the happiest of topics”. Just then the sun disappeared behind the clouds and standing in front of me was this gorgeous, at least six foot tall, guy with big brown eyes and brown hair tied back in a shoulder length pony tail (hey what, it was the nineties you know, long hair on boys was cool!!). One of the girls I was sitting with started chatting to the boy as if they were old friends and I was a little confused. Then the boy said “oh sorry I haven’t meet you yet, have I?” He promptly reached out his hand to shake mine and I felt my face flush.  How very polite and confident, and good looking he is, I thought to myself. Just then one of the girls interrupted and said “Oh yeah Noosh, this is Stu the guy that had the party we were just talking about” and I said “Oh Ok” as I thought to myself, damn now I really wish I had of made more effort to go.

I snapped out of daydreaming and overheard that the conversation had digressed to everyone making plans to meet up before a Tea Party Concert (Canadian Band, amazing music!!) that was coming up soon. I hadn’t had any plans on going and just as I was about to say that I wasn’t going, Stu said to me “Are you going?” and I said “No I don’t think so, I can’t really afford it this week”, “Oh really, that’s a shame, hey I can pay for you if you want to come?” he said. I was taken aback by the offer but pretty stoked at the same time; I mean I had only known the guy for five minutes!!!! So I said “we can call it a loan and I’ll pay you back as soon as I can, yeah?” “Ok if you want that’s fine by me” he said, with this massive big cheeky grin on his face, almost as if he was poking fun at me trying to be independent or not come across as if I was taking handouts.

The Tea Party - The Bazaar

So it was decided that I would drive as I was the only one with a car at the time and everyone else had already planned the night before I blew in, I thought it was a kind gesture of me to be the designated driver. Of course later in the evening I was cursing myself for offering when I was eyeing the bar and all I could drink was soft drink.

I had picked Stu up first then the others so it was him and I in the front of the car and he was so easy to talk to and really funny. The concert was amazing and we all had a good time and afterwards I drove everyone home and it just so happened that the last to be dropped off was Stu because he lived the closest to me………… And the rest is history 🙂

We have been together nearly half our lives throughout which(ten of those married) life has been a myriad of amazingness!!  Times full of laughter and tears, happiness and heartache!! Always coming through the other side together. We have been together and supported each other through, births, adoptions, separations, break downs and deaths of those close to us. The births together have been amazing, the adoption stressful and amazing, the separations, breakdowns and deaths of those around us have only been survived by having each other……

We finished our Tafe studies and headed into our university studies. Stu began a Bachelor of Music at, yep as I tell people all the time; I thought I was marrying a rock star!! But it wasn’t to be…….

After several attempts at various studies and career paths, I believe he has found the career that suits him perfectly. One of the proudest and I won’t lie, scariest moments of my life was watching my husband graduate from the Police Academy, where he was given the nickname Sniper for receiving an award for shooting. It’s a career he chose with the hope that he would be able to help those that could not help themselves and protect people. He chose this career with the utmost selfless and good intentions. I know his heart and I know his mind and these are the reasons and motivations for his career choice. All the reasons that make me feel pride and love for him.

What really saddens me is the common public misconception that all police are control freaks out to get them or give them fines or tickets. Just to clarify a lot of police men and women are caring everyday people that have families do and are just doing a job. A job that is under paid, overworked and very often thankless!!

My husband works ridiculous hours, twelve and eight hour shifts all over the week not pattern or sensible rostering. He often works nights and sleeps all day. My husband and his colleagues do a job that so many are quick to criticise but would never have the guts to do! They work to protect the very people in the community that are quick to judge and insult them. They give people who break the law chance after chance after chance until that moment from frustration they snap and use necessary due force to control the offender and of course instantly its splashed all over the media about brute force…… This saddens me. Let’s celebrate the everyday heroes that have to deal with the pain of delivering death notices to families, or that attend domestic after domestic desperately trying to protect a woman from a violent partner that she refuses to leave!!

These are the things that my husband has to deal with on a day to day basis and I know he is tough, as I’m sure his workmates are too but how long do you think it takes for a genuinely kind soul to turn cold? How much crime, violence and badness does it take to make you angry or feel hopeless with frustration? How much distrust, verbal abuse, exploitation and under-appreciation do my husband and his colleagues have to endure until they are broken?

Coming from my hippie stock of course it doesn’t seem a true fit to be married to a cop and of course at times some of the politics involved baffles me. But let’s just remember people it’s not the police we see on the streets that make some of these stupid rules its the big wigs and politicians. But I don’t want this page to wade in on the debate about good cop/bad cop, or which laws are good and which are bad. I’m not here for that discussion today.

This page is a living tribute to my beautiful boy!! To the man who puts up with all my crap, my mood swings, my rushing out at two in the morning to help someone he doesn’t necessarily feels deserves it but knows it goes against my nature to deny them.

To my husband that is the most patient, kind and loving father in the world! To my husband the Police man you make your whole family proud! To my husband, that at times I don’t seem to appreciate enough, you are my hero. You are funny, kind and sincere. At times your shy and people mistake it for rude, but I know you. Your humble about your physical strength and will probably die of embarrassment after reading this line, but hey remember that time I watched you carry a three hundred litre fridge on your own!! The gentle giant the kids call you as they climb onto your lap for cuddles.

These last few years have been really tough and we’ve come through, I’ll always be here for you! I’ll support you and keep you grounded if I need to, I’ll always love you and remind you of the wonderful person that you are.

I’ll always feel a lump rise up in my throat every time you walk out the door for your next shift. I’ll always hold my breath every minute your late after you’re supposed to be finished your shift. I’ll always be proud of you! I’ll never ever (despite my hippie stock) be ashamed to say my husband is a Police Officer.

Today is National Police Remembrance Day.

National Police Remembrance Day 2009 banner

Today I take a moment to remember all those Officers whose lives were taken whilst they were performing their duties.

Today I take a moment to remember those men and women who lost their lives tragically and way to soon just doing their job.

Today my heart goes out to all the loved ones left behind.

Today I pray for the continued protection for those that spend their lives protecting others.

Today I pray that my husband always returns home safe.

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Peace, Love and Happiness xoxoxoxoxox 🙂

Posted in All The Bits In Between, Birth, Death, Family, Fun, Health, Music, Nursing, Spiritual, Uncategorized

Self Reflection

Hello beautiful people,

These last few weeks have been so eventful that it seems I have barely had time to sit and quieten my mind. The ups and downs, highs and lows in life wash over us like the constant undulating waves in a choppy ocean. One can start to feel sea sick and emotionally overwhelmed with what life throws at us. At this point I feel its time to stop still on the shore and look out at the sea and source out the calm peaceful energy that one needs to remain centred in rough tides.

Self reflection is a concept that was taught to us all throughout our studies at University. The concept of being aware of the self in relation to ones professionalism, surroundings, mannerisms, behaviours and interactions with others is something that we are taught to be aware of and self evaluate in regards to these areas. However it is something I have always endeavoured to do throughout my life as I have always felt the eyes of society judging me (and not in a paranoid way of course). So many young women are socialised and raised with constant media barrage portraying images of how women should look and behave and on numerous occasions throughout my life I have been told things such as “shouldn’t you loose some weight”, “a lady shouldn’t speak like that” or “girls shouldn’t dress like that or play that game” and to this I would always say ‘really, why?” “Where is the rule book and where in it does it outline how a girl should behave”? I guess Ive always gone against the grain when it comes to how a woman should behave. I speak out for those that don’t have a voice, I’m strong minded and opinionated and I openly show affection! For some reason these qualities I openly embrace seem to make people feel uneasy, so I see its self reflection time again….

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As far as I see it if I’m not hurting ANYONE then why cant I do what I want? These kinds of statements and images have lingered in mind and I have seen the long term damage to other women that I have been close to, be ruined by the random need for others to pass judgement or expectation on other women!!

I by no means am perfect and in regards to recent extensive self reflection have been wrestling with the notion that perhaps I am a massive hypocrite……… I always wish for peace love and happiness for all, I truly do from the bottom of my heart, with the utmost sincerity I feel the pain of so many others when I know I shouldn’t and I wish them peace and happiness despite not knowing whether they really deserve it or not.

My best friend and I used to refer to ourselves as bleeding hearts or rather crassly as “hire a griever” because we are so emotional and forgiving at times that we could attend the funeral of a complete stranger and be reduced to tears in mere minutes. However, here’s the hypocrisy………..

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If you were to hurt me or anyone I cared about I would probably rip your head of with a barrage of verbal abuse in about zero to no seconds and then…….. (And yes I know there are people out there that can vouch for this) …….. Five seconds after that moment of judgement and anger I will be crying at the guilt I feel and the pain I feel in regards to my reaction and the possible pain my victim may be feeling….

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Upon self reflection I am tough, I am a survivor, a survivor of way too many things to be on this page…… At times I am judgemental much to my own disappointment!!! The best and most honest part of me is my kindness and compassion!!! I feel proud to say that at least most of the time the good wins over the evil in me!! I don’t want to be racist or prejudice and I certainly don’t ever want to judge people, its not my job to.

There have been so many sad and challenging things happen lately in our lives and in our city that the heated discussions around me are flying rapidly, like a whirlwind of theories and opinions vying to win. Why does one person do one thing one way and another do it a different way, who is to say which way is right, it is human nature for us to all behave differently. At the end of the day though wouldn’t the world be so much of a better place if everyone could stop taking themselves so seriously and realise that we ALL deserve respect and peace!!

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Respect and peace on an individual level and on a global level!! Self reflection is an amazing thing when the world is spinning and I feel I have lost sigh of who I am and someone appears to be insinuating that I am a fraud or a stupid hippie I take time out to engage in some self reflection. So to clarify, I am not a fraud, I am who I am and yes that is ever changing and I may be a bit of a hippie but I’m certainly not stupid 🙂

I try most of the time to be up front and honest because I believe that its important to be who you want to be free from judgement, hatred or envy. I am never really envious of anybody because quite frankly I think its pretty awesome to be me, if anything I would just like to be a better version of me, perhaps a little skinnier, less chaotic or spontaneous… and even so immediately after writing those words I think, in whose opinion, cause really its the chaos I thrive on that makes me, me 🙂 Are these negative thoughts and self talk all laying dormant in the subconscious filed away under the category of ‘previous insults’ to be used and brought forward when feeling flat, insecure or unhappy…….

I do prefer honesty from others though there is a way and a way, if you do not agree with someone’s actions voice it in a way that may be constructive to future actions, not destructive. You do yourself and your cause no good by behaving badly. If you feel strongly about a certain event, that may or may not have directly invovled you try to discuss it with someone that may have first hand experience or information on the incident that may be able to discuss, educate or even enlighten you to the true facts, please do not engage in ideal gossip or misguided anger.

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At very rare times as Ive said I do judge but briefly and then I feel sadness because who am I to think I am better than anyone else!! Usually my judgement is not based on the belief that I think I’m better than anyone else it is usually motivated by the belief that my behaviour or life choices are better than others. So are they? Am I really a better person because I would never encourage my child to carry a placard condoning violence?  Or because I really try hard not to live my life participating in petty gossip?  There are always two sides to every story and I will usually only know my side until I go out of my way to truly find out and understand the other side. I have no time for secrecy, spying or passing judgement!! I would much rather be out there in the world living it, feeling it, breathing it!!! I would much rather have a heated debate about what you think of my opinions that have you judge me behind closed doors where I am not afforded that chance to defend myself. Perhaps even allow me the chance to take on board your judgement and use it to self reflect and maybe even better myself. Yes some things we say or do will unintentionally hurt, shock or offend others but it is their reaction to our behaviour, so are we suppose to change our behaviour due to a persons response?……..

Perhaps we should at least self reflect on our behaviour if it shocks or offends someone. Should we change or stop if it hurts someone? If it hurts them emotionally? If it hurts them physically? Some people may respond to this question with a definite yes! However some people can move on from their emotions being a little bit hurt, others may not be able to. It seems fair to say that no-one should be allowed to physically hurt another person, no self reflection needed, just don’t do it! (Unless your that way inclined of course, boxers etc).

So what I am trying to say is, we all need to take time out occasionally to sit back and partake in a little self reflection. We all find it so easy to pass judgement on others and assume that our way is the right way but what is right for one may not be right for another.

There are some behaviours I see in people that as I said earlier initially frustrate me and make me wildly angry and then instantly I feel sad, sad for them that they feel so empty or frustrated themselves that they feel they need to behave in such a desperate way! Every human deserves to live in peace, free from judgement and fear. Free from feeling that if they don’t look or behave a certain way that society may not accept them. Never judge a book by its cover, try turning the pages to uncover the layers of what could be a beautiful soul. Never go on hear say or subscribe to the theories of the masses, find out the truth or the facts and decide for yourself. That’s what I always try to do, I always endeavour to make people feel safe enough in my presence to show me who they really are, no facades. I don’t want false interactions, I always try to live by ‘what you see is what you get’. If I’m feeling great I will tell you and if I am feeling sad I will tell you. I know to some its hard to be who they really are and they may be more private and prefer not to show their true emotions and that is okay too. At the end of the day though we are all human and we all experience widely the same kinds of emotions and I feel that as a global community if people could learn to express themselves emotionally more freely and without judgement the world would be a better place. It would be a better place because people would quickly realise that they are not alone with their feelings, so many others may feel the same way and this can lead to people being able to support each other better.

I know my honesty and openness emotionally can make people uncomfortable, Ive seen people blush in my presence or even had them request I “tone it down a bit”, however this is pretty rare mostly people respond well to my random hugs, of course using self awareness and reflection I don’t hug patients, unless they go in first lol 🙂

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I guess this process of regular self reflection always leads me back to thinking am I being the kindest most understanding, compassionate person I can be because these are the qualities that mean the most to me. Of course sincerity is right up there too because there is nothing worse than someone showing a persona that is calm, kind and non-judgemental just to hide that they are really thriving on sitting on their private make believe pedestal looking down their noses at people and passing judgement every chance they can…… Am I sometimes guilty of being part of this group? I have a gorgeous friend who’s catch phrase is “Don’t they know who I think I am’? (Copyright to PJ 🙂 ) and I think this is fabulous and appropriate to her and I laugh every time I hear it and yet to know her is to know that she will extend kindness to anyone that reaches out to her. I believe its ok to be self complimenting and appreciative, what is so wrong with being proud of who you are? Why do people feel threatened by those that exude confidence? Yes there is a difference between being confident and arrogant, however who determines what behaviour fits which category? What one person may interpret as arrogant another might view as a strong sense of self confidence.

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Taking a moment to self reflect has made me look at aspects of my personality that may be misconstrued as arrogant. Yes I think I’m awesome!! No I don’t think I’m better than anyone else!! Yes at times I feel like I am less than others, especially when I feel they are negatively judging me…… However I quickly remind myself that for whatever reason at that moment they feel they know me well enough or they have the need to pass judgement on me and it is there prerogative to do that and mine to walk away with my head held high maintaining my sense of self dignity and self worth.

Am I self evaluating enough? Have I called you a bitch recently? Maybe…. I can honestly say that if I have then I didn’t mean it and now regret it and probably feel really bad for hurting you. Especially because my main motivation in life is to be a healer not a deliverer of pain. I truly want peace, don’t you? I want my children to be raised in a community where it is ok to be praised, loved and supported! Recently there has been a debate circulating around regarding whether or not we are setting our children up for failure by over praising them? To this I say WTF? I again undertook some self reflection on this topic. Am I a boastful parent? I don’t really think so, I recognise their achievements and praise them for them. I try to always praise them so they have good self esteem and feel confident enough within themselves to make good life choices. Why would you not want to praise your children? Do people really think that by praising them we are setting them up with false hope or expectations? Is it unrealistic to say, ‘hey of course you can be anything you want to be” Why cant they be anything they want? Are we wading into a debate that has become to politically correct? All children are innocent victims of their environment and learn by what the elders around teach them. If we teach them that they are limited by our opinions of them then of course they will not strive to be better than a mediocre version of themselves.

So many areas of self reflection lately, politics, religion, parenting, nursing, professionalism, relationships, freedom, judgement and ME!

Politics always fascinate me and I have always undertaken to learn as much as I can about the various political parties and movements to keep track of where my state, national and Global community might be heading. To this all I have to say, somewhat ambiguously, some people in power inspire and impress me and others….well…lets just say they scare me.

Religion also a topic I have forever been fascinated by, I have as well as a few of my friends throughout our lives delved into several different religions trying to find the one that fits us best. The outcome of this being that there doesn’t seem to be one that completely envelopes all that appeals to my system of beliefs. I believe in a God (perhaps because the thought of no God and no heaven is too painful for me) that is a nondenominational God that does not pass judgement on people based on gender, race, sexual preference, cultural and spiritual beliefs; A God that protects all children from abuse and neglect, providing them unconditional love and protection always; A God that commits to ending all this pain and suffering that is becoming so prevalent; A God that will instill respect, compassion, love and Peace in the hearts of ALL humankind!! I pray to GOD THAT A GOD LIKE THIS REALLY EXISTS!!

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Self reflection on parenting has brought me to the conclusion that, yes I do swear on occasion in front of my kiddies however they understand and respect the rule of ‘do as I say not as I do’. Yes on occasion they probably eat to much junk food and probably don’t do enough homework. Aside from all of this (without being boastful, only truly honest because I would be the first one to tell you if they were being little shits!) I think it is fair to say that I have parented with a firm loving hand providing them with constant unconditional love. Instilling the knowledge and boundaries in them so that they know how to respect themselves, me and others. They are loving kind compassionate children that would never raise a hand to me or others (except very occasionally to each other but hopefully they will grow out of that). They are average students academically and I am fine with that! They are average sporting participants and I am fine with that too! Parenting for me has always been and always will be about loving, protecting and guiding!!

Self reflection on nursing has led me to the conclusion that yes it was always meant to be!! Despite the hours, the pay, the difficult patients or colleagues aside from my family it will always be my one true love!! Furthermore, yes I could do to undertake some refresher courses especially in the areas of pathophysiology and pharmacology!!

Self reflection on professionalism has driven me to think about how I conduct myself at work sometimes and to be self aware about how I am communicating with people when trying to get a job done. Sometimes my chaotic personality can make things seem more urgent than they need to be……

Self reflection about relationships is ongoing and ever changing, people grow constantly and as I said in my recent Blog on friendships, they can be fickle and fantastic. I feel I’m in a good place right now with my relationships, there seems to be a nice balance of people around me who understand me and I them 🙂

Self reflection about freedom has me drawing to the conclusion that although we are some of the freest people in the world, we are only as free as we allow ourselves to be. I know a few of you understand what I’m truly saying. We are held back by our fears of what others may perceive us to be. We deny ourselves the luxurious freedom of being who we truly want to be for fear of being judged and denied by society.

Which leads me to my final area of self reflection, judgement. Am I a hypocrite? Do I wish for no-one to judge me and yet allow myself to judge others? I truly try not too! I certainly have discovered quickly and this may come as a shock to those that don’t know this about me, but I would certainly much rather sincerely pay another person a compliment than sarcastically refer to them as ‘bitch’ or ‘slut’!!!! Just so you know I don’t think its funny or a term of endearment to refer to me as either of those words, as far as I’m aware they were words designed as insults and as such I can never be comfortable with them being used towards me as terms of endearment!! I am not, have not been and never will be anyone’s ‘bitch’ or ‘slut’. I feel uncomfortable and sad when women think this is an ok and acceptable way to speak to each other. As Ive said before if I have ever said it to you I would have had to been pretty angry to call you that. Is it so ingrained in women that we aren’t allowed to support each other or pay each other compliments or feel self pride? Or is it just the Aussie way now that women can only express mate-ship by referring to each other using derogatory words? Hhhhhhmmmmm maybe I’m too much of a princess or hippie but I doubt it because I know I can be a real bitch when I need to be but it is rarely! Anyway I have digressed of the topic of judgement a little and so to wrap it all up, people are free to refer to each other as they please as long as both are in agreement that it is ok and one is not feeling judged by the other.

Self reflection, is it really all about ME? Of course it is and sometimes taking a good hard look at yourself can be really confronting. Do you like what you see? Have you done it recently? Perhaps your burning desire to constantly judge others comes from your unhappiness with what you see when you look within yourself…..

One of my favourite sayings of all time is “Be the change you want to see in the world” (words written motivated by a speech given by Mahatma Gandhi)

Self reflection is all about me, when I am the one doing it, however it prompts me to look at how I fit and interact within my world and I enjoy analysing how my life is going. I like the challenge of trying to recognise the areas that might need work and addressing them. It is often my biggest critics that motivate me to self reflect and to them I say thank you! Today you have been my muse 🙂

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Yesterday I was Me

Today I am Me

Tomorrow I will be Me

I am the Me

You think You know

The Me I am is everchanging

The Me you think You know

The Me I am always learning

The Me you think You know

How can you know Me?

If I don’t really know Me

Yesterday I am Me

Today I am Me

Tomorrow I am Me

And you think You know Me

So I guess the day after tomorrow, We both shall See…….

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Peace, Love and Happiness 🙂 xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Posted in All The Bits In Between, Birth, Death, Family, Fun, Health, Nursing

Friendship

Growing up I attended a small local public school in Bondi, it had a great community feel and most of the children that went there lived in the area. Friendships were formed between nearly everyone at the school, being a small school it was easy to get to know and be mates with everyone. As we local kids got older most of us attended the same local high school, again a fairly small school. Friendships were still maintained and some new ones were formed. There never appeared to be any significant social dramas, no obvious issues with bullying and over all everyone seemed to get along quite well often hanging at the beach together in the afternoons and on the weekends…….

Or was this all just on the surface, a giant friendship facade or fairytale. Did I forget to mention the bitching behind each others backs about how so and so stole blah blahs boyfriend and how he said you said blah blah so now she’s going to get you……. Friendships, like any relationships, intimate, family or other, are hard to establish, achieve and maintain. I still in my adulthood find myself nursing the broken heart of another failed friendship. So why does this happen? Perhaps I have unrealistic expectations of how friendships should go?!

I see one woman’s facebook who is always going overseas and having weekends away with her girlfriends and they all look so happy and joyous. They look like they are having an amazing time with not a care in the world, like a bad word could never be said between them……Who are these lucky people that have known each other their entire lives and support each other unconditionally through breakups,marriages, births and deaths?!

I feel I have a few close friends (probably could count them on one hand) that I could count on to be there for me through those times and I mean really count on!! The type of friend that you can call on any time of the day or night and they would be there for you immediately. I believe I’m that type of friend, however sometimes I feel  like I’m the back up friend, the friend that only gets called if no-one else is available or because I’m the ‘fun’ one, or the one that will pretty much do anything with and for you…….

So how do I let my friendships develop like this and then dissipate, well I think I start out being the fun one that will do anything for you and then after awhile it becomes exhausting so I become burnt out which in turn leads to boring. Boring leads to no longer fun to hang with or be around.

Another natural progression Ive observed in friendships as one gets older is the tendency to get caught up in the busyness and chaos of everyday life and forgetting to touch base with friends until it seems like to much time has passed and then the friendship seems to have been lost.

Sometimes I see friendships lost or strained due to new relationships being formed. People who were once great friends loose touch when one of the people in the friendship begins a new relationship with someone and then all their time becomes tied up with their partner. So what is the etiquette here?, Do you let the person know that you miss spending time with them? Is it necessary as an adult to tell a mate that you miss hanging out with them the way you used to? Is it immature? How does one maintain a once perfectly good friendship with someone once they have begun a new relationship? Are adults even allowed to long for normal healthy friendships? Why does it feel so shit when you realise that your in a friendship were perhaps the person really doesn’t care as much about the friendship as you do?

So here’s another friendship dilemma, you’re in a relationship already and have some great single friends who you like to go out with, however every time you do go out with them, they end up spending half the night trying to talk to and seek out other single people and end up completely ignoring you in the process, even though you’re only there to see them. So is it an unreal expectation to want to hang out with a mate or some mates for the night without them ditching you to try and pick up someone?

I don’t know what the friendship guidelines are however I do know that I have one or two friends who although we don’t see each other for months its like we haven’t missed a beat when we do eventually catch up. Then there’s the friends that you also actually do care about who you say to “we should catch up” and they say “yeah for sure we should”. And you never do so you assume its because both your lives are so busy and just like in school you hear that their child had a party or a concert or something that you felt sure you would have been invited to but you weren’t, am I over thinking it or am I just not as good a friend as I thought?

Wow one would think that this whole drama with friendships would be something that we out grow? So I guess that to add further complication to the issue of am I a good friend or not is the idea that friendship does get second place to relationships as we get older. It seems most of my friends will gladly whinge about their partners when they are not around however instantly if they are there the choice between time with them and friends is simple. It makes sense though right, you chose your partner because they have (well hopefully) all the qualities you like in a person so why would you not want to spend all your spare time with them instead of friends?!

Whatever happened to the old analogies of “bros before hoes” or “chicks before dicks” as crass as these expressions are I interpret, and correct me if I’m wrong, that they mean to say don’t replace your mates with a new relationship. In this day and age is this a realistic expectation? Who would rather spend time with their friends than their partner? Is there no middle ground? Wouldn’t life be all the more fulfilling and rich with various people in our lives?

So where is the obvious middle ground, why cant you have your partner and your friends too? What happens if your partner doesn’t like your friends or vice versa? What happens if your partner or your friends force you too choose? Who would you choose, a friend of ten years or a partner of two?

You know what I say, never make someone choose because I suspect that if you do you may well be the one that looses. However if the partner or friend really think your worth it I guess in the end they will make time for you!! So at the end of the day people, young or old my take home message is this, friendship is hard and fickle. So if you have been privileged enough to be classified by someone as a good friend respect and appreciate it.

So saviour the true friendships you have, decide on the ones which are worth fighting for and let slide the ones that seem like too much work with little in return.

And to all those true friends of mine

The ones that have with stood the test of time

The ones that have seen me through thick and thin

Kerry, Kristy, Sue, Alison, Jessie, Maggie, Phill, Brennnos, Dave, PJ and Din

With you guys my feelings I’ve never had to hide

And yet you have remained by my side

All your support, advice and kindness

Has always made me feel like our friendships were timeless

Days may pass without a word spoken

And so this right here is a small token

Holding dear in my heart is this true notion

That despite time and distance our friendships will never be broken.

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Peace Love and Happiness :o)

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Posted in Death, Family, Health, Nursing, Spiritual, Uncategorized

Death: World Suicide Prevention Day

Death. When is a good time to talk about it. How does one bring it up. Will it ever be a topic not enveloped in secrecy, fear and sadness?

I guess for some cultures it may not be viewed like this. However in ours it is. What is even harder to discuss is, the untimely death. What is an untimely death, what constitutes untimely?

Who decides whether a newborn, an older adult or some one in their younger adult life that passes away suddenly should have their passing as labelled, untimely? When is there a predictable time or a set time for death………………………….

As painful as it is for me to discuss at times it still needs to be discussed…….. Yes there is a predictable time or even a set time for death. We see it set when were are about to switch off life support machines and we see it in the future looming ahead of a patient after they are given a terminal diagnosis…………………………

But perhaps the most emotionally painful kind of death that can be labelled as both untimely and with a predictable or set time for death is that of a suicide victim………….

If one is to think about it, if one can tolerate thinking about it, one can only draw the conclusion that if a person they have known who was generally known to be of sound mind committed suicide then surely they must have known that death was imminent. If they had such clarity then why did they still take their own lives?

People assume that the suicide victims must have felt so sad and helpless that they just no longer had any desire to live. Does sad and helpless constitute, depression or  a mental health issue that may or may not have been diagnosed or treated? This kind of death raises so many questions and leaves so much heartache and often unanswered questions for those left behind…….. I call those lost by taking their own lives suicide victims because in a way that is how I see them, victims of their own demise.

The first question always asked after one learns of someone committing suicide is, Why? The why, Ive seen so many times is often answered with, because they felt sad or hopeless, like nobody cared enough to help them. The next statements I often hear is “if only I had, noticed, tried harder, done something differently” And to this I say “I’m sure you did everything you could” “because if they really truly no longer wished to live, they would have found a way to end their life, no matter how hard you tried to make them stay”………………..

http://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/bhcv2/bhcarticles.nsf/pages/Suicide_family_and_friends

I work with some amazing people and we are confronted by death regularly and no one is ever really immune to the harsh reality that death can be painful, emotionally, and people get left behind to deal with the pain. At our busy emergency department we see people present with suicide attempts and attempts at self harming and with every presentation like this we provide them with a review by a medical officer as well as a psychiatric specialist. The medical doctor treats the physical component of their presentation, such as did they cut their wrists or overdose on some form of medication. The psychiatrist assesses their mental status and determines if they are of sound mind or not and here, right here, has got me thinking about why I am not a mental health nurse…………….

Who are we to determine that if a person wishes to die that they must clearly be mentally unwell and out of their right minds…….. I don’t like to see any one die, me more than most, I am hypersensitive, a compassionate soul, that feels more empathy than most should, I’m a sympathy crier, I will cry if you are crying, just as soon as I see the pain cross your face I will feel it in my heart, almost as if it was my pain……….. However, if your pain was because you no longer wanted to live and people had tried to “fix” you several times of your dislike for life then who are we to force you to live because the thought of death is far to painful for us but life is far to painful for them……………….

I have looked into the eyes of a soul that was so completely broken, several “failed” suicide attempts under his belt, no legs, chronic pain, a shell of a man and absolutely no will left to live. So what did we do, “fix” him, bandage his wounds, give him pain relief and medication to “fix” his mood so he would no longer prefer the thought of death to life…… Even though this thought had plagued him for so long that it was apparent that every chance he could get, he would attempt to end his own life.

And now just to turn the table of this discussion completely on its head I bring the issue of suicide far more closer to home than I would ever have liked to deal with………………

Its easy to justify trying to understand why someone would prefer death over life in a professional capacity, looking at their injuries, their quality of life and even their mental health. However the lines become blurred and emotions run high when its someone you know/ knew. All you want to do is cry………. And you become the person with the question “Why?” And your rational mind tries to talk you out of trying to over think it and self talk includes such quotes as “remember the good times”, “she would want you to keep on being happy and living life smiling” and despite your head telling you all these rational things your heart and soul are crying crying crying………………………

You may not have spent a lot of time with a person in your recent past. You may have been only on a chat passing in the street basis, and you had said “we should catch up” and it seemed flippant but you actually meant it. And then you hear the news. They are gone……… However you shared a past, memories, lots of good ones. You are no longer in their social circle. You are shattered none the less by their tragic and extremely untimely death……………

I held my daughter in my arms as tight and for as long as I could and we cried together for the loss of someone we both once knew and cared about a lot…………..Some many questions. So much pain. So much love pouring out for a beautiful soul that was lost way too soon!!

And the constant question of “why?”

The constant statements of “If only” And then there is the stages of grief, Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance.

http://grief.com/the-five-stages-of-grief/

We cried for the friend we once had, we cried for the friend we no longer had, we cried at the thought of her pain and sadness, we cried for her family and the pain they were (are) going through……………….And I believe we will cry until we need too……………….I guess acceptance hasn’t been reached yet……………How does one accept that one so young, so beautiful and outwardly so happy did not want to live…………………Sometimes the pain of this thought seems to much to bare and its easier to just switch off.

Every story has a take home message and everyone deserves someone to love them, listen to them and be there for them. So listen to the ones you love, truly listen, be there for them if they are sad and show them how much they are appreciated!!

People need to remember that everyone has at least one person in their lives that truly loves them, that really wants to be there for them, that no matter how bad things seem, with love, guidance and support things can get better.

Life can get better, no matter how bad it seems, it can only be uphill if you’re already at the bottom. Look up and ask for help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If your feeling sad, low, lost, lonely, anxious, scared, victimised, bullied, vulnerable, abused, hopeless or just plain over it, find that small glimmer of inner strength and SPEAK UP!! REACH OUT!! Have faith that one day soon you will feel ok!

TODAY IS SUICIDE PREVENTION DAY!  

http://suicidepreventionaust.org/

http://www.timeanddate.com/holidays/un/world-suicide-prevention-day

And although we may have already lost some to untimely deaths we take comfort in the thought of being watched over by such beautiful angles.

SO LETS SPREAD THE MESSAGE TO PROMOTE SUICIDE PREVENTION!!!!

No-one deserves to feel like they have no other option, death is NEVER the only option!!

If you were a terminally ill patient you wouldn’t resign yourself to living only to meet your death, you would choose to live life to the fullest!!

Live every moment as if it was your last!!

If your sad reach out to someone for support and if you suspect someone you know may be feeling sad reach out to them, a simple “are you sure you’re ok?” to start the conversation.

No-one deserves to feel blue all the time, so if you do, call someone who can talk to you and help you through!!

Reach out and support each other to help prevent another life lost to suicide!!

Go forward with Peace, Love and Happiness in your hearts xox 🙂

http://www.beyondblue.org.au/index.aspx?

                                 R.I.P PRINCESS MELISSA

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Posted in All The Bits In Between, Birth, Death, Family, Fun, Health, Music, Nursing, Spiritual, Uncategorized

Hello world!

Hello beautiful people so what we’ve got here is an awesome way to communicate some people you just cant reach, which is the way some want it, well then that’s how they’ll get it…….. Sound familiar, Cool Hand Luke Thumbnail

or Civil War, Guns n’ Roses Thumbnail , slightly altered paraphrasing of course.

Anyway this page has been a long time coming and a short time in the making, I don’t want to be unreachable, I want to speak out and be heard and more importantly I want people to know that I’m here to listen and not like the nosey listen lady Marge Simpson played.Thumbnail

Some people just want to “talk hard” (Pump Up The Volume) Thumbnail and create controversy and although I have no aversion to controversy and talking hard, Id much rather voice my opinion on a topic and hopefully spark or ignite a good healthy debate!! A debate that may be filled with useful information that will stimulate the nether regions of ones mind and challenge them to hear the views of others that may be opposing to their own and be open to this. To challenge people to THINK outside their comfort zones!! To forget what they think they know about themselves and those around them, to de-construct their preconceived ideas of others and rebuild new beliefs through being receptive to someone elses truth, to be able to be open to the empathy that is required to learn that what is a truth for someone else may not be the truth for you but it is still THEIR truth……..Thumbnail

Simplistically saying, hoping this page will provide new and useful information on a whole

(this whole not that Hole)   Thumbnail

range of topics that people will be able to learn from and hopefully participate in healthy discussion about. Topics ranging from birth to death and anything in between!! I will endeavour to post as frequently as I can on anything and everything I find interesting, feel passionate about or that just randomly grabs my attention and I feel is noteworthy. Obviously I will try to post frequently on a nursing topic as the name and profession dictate a lot of my life 🙂 So let’s get started and see how many people I can make happy or unintentionally piss off 🙂

Stay tuned for next post soon…..

Peace, Love and Happiness

NurseNoosha