Hello Beautiful People,
Ok what I wanted to say today has been plaguing me for a while…… I’m always getting compliments about how well behaved my kids are how cool calm and collected a mother I am….. It’s always nice to hear but………
I’d like to shout this out!!!! I’m a complete
f$&@ing fraud!! I’m not calm!! I’m faking that shit!! Inside I’m a wound up bundle of nerves as much as the next Mumma bear!! I’m one more god damn sleepless night away from complete and utter PND….. I’m one more shitty nappy….. No return text or call for several hours from young adult or teen away from a complete breakdown!!
I want to take a f$&@ing shit or shower in peace!! I want people to actually recognise that I might be struggling, feeling isolated or lonely!! I want to be invited to the god damn wedding, birthday party, brunch or coffee even if you know as much as I do I probably won’t make it because of babies….. It just feels nice to know that I’ve been thought about by other adult humans…………😌
I want to apologise profusely to all the Mumma bears out there who I’ve ever offended with my higher than though opinions on parenting!! I know I have a Nursing Degree and I’ve got a lot of kids so you’d think I’d be all over this shit!! And all the lecturing and advice I’ve given so many parents on parenting should really mean something and be useful somehow….. Right?! At least that’s what you’d think?!
But let me tell you this!! There is no one style, one method, one technique to parenting that fits every parent and every baby!! Every single time I get preggers I think, “yep I’m all over this shit!” Then out pops this tiny beautiful mini being who it seems, sole purpose in life is to ruin me and at the same time make me helplessly completely and utterly in love 😳
I was wrong for ever thinking my way was better than yours!! I was wrong for not recognising or understanding your anxiety!!
This whole parenting thing can be terrifying, each and every time!! Every baby is different and therefore every parenting experience can bring with it new challenges……. I’m sorry I was such a judgey bitch……
We are all struggling in some way…………😞
So today I’m openly admitting that this Mumma bear definitely doesn’t know everything! And despite giving loads of other women breastfeeding advice, sleep and settling advice, developmental age appropriate care advice and acting like it’s all so easy it’s actually really really really not!!
This is baby no.6 in my house and in her short three months on this planet I’m here to admit that she’s played me good! I’m exhausted, I’m admitting defeat! In the last three and a half months I’ve taken her to ED once, seen the GP at least three times, phoned Karitane twice, Tresillian twice, The ABA once and texted and called several (nurse/doctor) friends for sleeping/settling, feeding, behaviour and ailments advice…………
Hhhhmmmm does that sound like a cool calm collected mummy to you?! And I’ll have you know I’ve probably behaved like this with at least three out of the six kiddies!
The post natal period and beyond in to baby’s first year of life coupled with sleep deprivation can be a real bitch! Some days not only do I feel like I’ve lost my entire identity but that moment after I’ve just stuck my hand in to a toilet that still has a poo in it to grab out a toy car that my two year old is screaming his head off for, I suddenly remember that I am still human and probably should think a little more before I act. So I put screaming baby down in cot, flush toilet, thoroughly wash my hands and toy car then placate two year old. Remember to put my breast away post breastfeeding this time before calling teenagers out of their rooms to ask them what they want for dinner, saves us all the embarrassment of me standing there tit hanging out…. All the while thinking “stay calm, you’ve got this, the tough times won’t last……. long”…….
So again I say, I’m sorry if I ever looked down on you! I’m sorry if my way of coping is to fake it till I make it and it makes everyone think I’ve really got my shit together better than they have! I’m straight up on mother f$&@ing struggle street right there with you!!
But you know what I do know that always keeps me going…… How freaking blessed I truly am…… Because I’ve been on the other side too…… The side that doesn’t give sleep and settling advice, the side that holds hands of those with broken hearts…… The side that gives silent reassuring glances whilst holding back tears of empathy, advice on second chances, pamphlets on counselling and support networks….. Watching broken hearted parents walking out the hospital doors…..Knowing they may consider themselves parents no more….. Due to the loss of a baby they’ll never meet or the baby they got to hold for only a short while……💔
I’m know I’m a fraud…. But if that’s what I need to be to get by then so be it…… It doesn’t mean I love my life or my mini beautiful people any less……..
Shout out to all the beautiful parents struggling right there along with me……..😏👊🏼
Today I chose to continue to fake it, to ignore the mess, the misery, the chaos and relax in the breezy sunny afternoon with my beautiful babes, focusing on the positives and feeling blessed and you know what? It actually worked….. I got this! You got this! We got this ☺️💗